So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
