My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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