Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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