Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
