after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
