That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she woke up with a sticky ear
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
