Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
