so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
