Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
