My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
