I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
