he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
