Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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