I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
