the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
