I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
