So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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