I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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