I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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