would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
