we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
