kristin has been a bad kristin
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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