I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
