yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I deserve this hangover.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
