Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
