Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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