I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
