So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
