why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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