Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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