I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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