Your dad touched me again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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