he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
