would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
