i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
