he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
