he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
