I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
