are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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