In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
