I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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