i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
