dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
