his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
