I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
