I'd wear matching sweaters with you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
