i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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