I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
