One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
