im six kinds of drunk right now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
