I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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