i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
