you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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