Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
