Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are we still banned from the library?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
