So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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