so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
