Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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